Palpable
by CucumberSalad
Summary: Bonnie finds Damon laying on the ground, flask in hand. Based on 2x12. One-shot.


**Author's Note:** I wrote this about two+ years ago on an account that I ended up deleting or, rather, attempted to delete (stupid fanfiction site). I originally intended for it to be a one-shot, however due to recurring requests to continue writing it...I caved.

After a while, the story became something I despised.

It should have remained a one-shot; this time it will remain as such.

BTW, for anyone who remembers reading this story back then...this one is completely different in the dialogue that goes on between the two characters. This is more realistic, in my opinion.

* * *

Damon was unaware of time, equally unknowing as to where he was.

All he knew in that moment was that he was tired, though not in the conventional sense. He was tired of trying to be someone he wasn't, yet also tired with who he actually was. He was Damon Salvatore: a cruel vampire that not even his father had loved. He wasn't worth it, the effort people made for him.

Elena moved his heart in ways he couldn't fathom. She was new and unexpected, firm yet consistently forgiving.

When he was in pain, Elena would come. She hugged him when he needed it.

But...

She wasn't enough.

He couldn't be what she wanted, no matter how much either of them needed it. He killed and he enjoyed it. He drank blood from helpless humans while never feeling an ounce of remorse.

Maybe he did but if that was so then he was unaware of it.

So, all he could do - with reasons for his own existence jumbled in his mind - was lay on the road.

He wanted to think of nothing; that's why he drank more than just from his flask. He had almost devoured the whole alcohol supply from his house before he ended up here, only a flask in hand.

Perhaps Elena would show up, somehow - she _always_ had a way of being there for him. Needless to say, when he saw a pair of bright lights come his way the first person on his mind was Elena.

_Of all the coincidences in the world, that would have been the best one_, he thought. _And the worst_.

However, the figure that greeted him was none other than Bonnie Bennett.

A part of him couldn't handle the fact that she was standing so close to him then, staring down at his probably pathetic existence. If there was anyone he didn't want seeing him like this it was her.

The witch was so god damn_ judgmental_.

At first, her face had contorted in displeasure when their eyes met, though she had recognized him from inside her car. Her face changed in mere seconds. She _pitied_ him.

She looked down at him, literally and metaphorically.

Damon wanted nothing more than to rip her heart from her chest; that is, until she opened her mouth and, surprisingly, _didn't _ask him something that made him want to murder her even more.

As a matter of fact, she didn't ask him anything at all.

"I don't wanna know. Don't tell me, just get in the car."

He frowned up at her. "Why would I do that?"

"Because when you're upset you kill people," she said, matter-of-factly. "You can think humans are 'collateral damage' all you want but unlike you, I have a soul."

He scoffed at what she considered as 'helping Damon Salvatore'. "Is this supposed to be a pep talk?" he asked, clumsily raising himself to a sitting position.

"No," she said, voice lacking flavour but, still, abundant in honesty. "Neither of us would enjoy that."

Damon eyed her for a moment before slowly and, in truth, quite pathetically, he stood up. "I don't like you," he said, shoulders slumping forward, eyes squinting. "I already owe you for saving me from the fire. Now, you're just trying to put me in a shitload of debt."

"You don't_ owe _me anything. I did that for Elena."

"Lesbi-honest, maybe you should stop doing things for Elena," he said, harshly. "She has high expectations."

Bonnie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Then she paused, realizing why Damon was being stupider then usual. "Just...get in the car."

They stared at each other for a moment, a silent understanding passing through both of them.

Damon looked away from her. "She wants me to be a better man." He sighed. "I can't be..." For just a second he regretted even telling her that much. He didn't _need_ to, she said. Just as soon, the feeling of regret disappeared and he poured his heart out to the girl, who just seconds ago he wanted to rip to pieces. "I can't be a better man, Bonnie." He looked into her eyes, his own beginning to fill with unwanted liquid. "I'm not the good guy; I'm not Stefan. I kill and I don't feel remorse for it. It's who I am."

Bonnie watched him, face passing no judgment.

"I'm not human!" he yelled, frustrated. "And..." He looked down then, refusing to let Bonnie see the tear drop fall from his eye, though he was sure she knew he was crying anyway. "I miss it. I miss it more than...anything in the world." He found her green eyes again, not caring whether or not she could see his pain; not caring if she just thought of him as pathetic now. "Bonnie..." His throat tightened, making it difficult for him to finish his sentence. "There's only so much hurt...a man can take."

He was letting this girl see the weakest side of him, the most vulnerable part of him that he had not allowed anyone to see before.

She was Bonnie Bennett. He had caused this girl to lose her grandma; he had attacked her, almost killed her in the process. And now, here he was, a secret part of him hoping that she would show him some sort of kindness, even when he never did so for her.

Yet, Bonnie stood there, listening to him without question and, suddenly, Damon felt very small in comparison.

Bonnie was someone he had the highest respect for, more than anyone he had ever known before. She didn't give him second chances. He had to work for her forgiveness and many times he found that he would get frustrated because she never completely accepted his apologies.

Yet, again, she still stood there. She listened even though she had every right to walk away.

A deep, palpable and hidden part of Damon almost loved her for the words she spoke next.

"Just get in the car, Damon."

He nodded, strangely relieved that she wasn't going to pity him. "Fine, just let me-"

"You're not driving."

"Oh, common, Bonnie-"

"No."

Damon sighed loudly, almost child-like, too drunk to be victorious. "Fine."


End file.
